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Day 6 of Meditation

Dr. Jen NM's avatar30-day Instructor

So far, for me, meditation has become a way to re-center myself and re-awaken as I move towards my evening work time. The hardest steps I take every day are the steps upstairs to my office after I put my children go to sleep, especially since the time change. I have worked a full day, went to the gym, helped my son do his second grade math and took him to piano lessons, read books to my children, washed a kitchen full of pots and pans, on and on. I let these obligations create a ball of resentment inside me, and I begin to rebel against all the unmet needs that await in my inbox.

Meditation has helped me push through those negative feelings. I identify the stressors and then dissolve them in my mind. When you meditate, you are not allowed to dwell. You identify the thought and then…

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30-Day Challenge Season Begins

Meditation, for me, has been what Gretchen Rubin classifies as a red herring habit, one of those things you always say you are going to do, but have no intention of doing. The art of sitting still has always alluded me. I remember the torture of every Sunday having to sit quietly on a hard pine pew through lengthy Catholic masses. My mind and body were not designed for passive pursuits. It’s even difficult for me to sit through an entire movie at the theater.

However, it is 30-day challenge time in my classes, an assignment designed to tie research to practical application in my college composition classes. It has been, for the last three semesters, a highlight for me. I feel like I am making an impact beyond a student’s ability to punctuate and organize paragraphs. After researching his topic, one student wrote in a reflection, “In writing this paper, I’ve come full circle. The emotions I felt at the beginning to where they are now as I wrap up, are complete opposites. I started this paper in a major slump, going to bed every night being sad and waking up every morning not looking forward to the day. As I finish, I’ve taken all the information I’ve researched and placed it in my life so now I look at each day as a blessing- and each day is open to an endless amount of possibilities if you have the right mind set to see it that way.” I printed this out and put it on my wall to remind myself of the big picture when I am buried in the perfunctory rituals of grading.

Inspired by my students, I began meditating today. I chose a short guided meditation by Sam Harris as my starting point. Through the Tim Ferriss Show podcast, I was introduced to his philosophical work and felt an intellectual connection with many of his ideas. I trusted him to start me off right on this journey.

As I sat in lotus leaf position on the floor of my office, I felt I was somehow cheating by listening to a voice. It gave me something else to focus on besides my breathing, which made the experience more endurable. The most helpful advice in the guided meditation was, when a stray thought enters your mind, to visualize the thought and remove it from your mind. It did this increasingly as the meditation went on. The most distracting thought was, when will this end? Nine minutes never felt so long. I actually popped up ten seconds before it ended because I could not stand it any longer.

Despite my agitation at the end, I feel more relaxed. I think much of the relaxation comes from the changes to my breathing. Most of my time in meditation was spent focusing on the inhaling and exhaling of my breath. This made me breath in and out more slowly and deeply. I am curious to see what other benefits I will gain over the course of the next 30 days.

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Ode to Lazy Days

Today I awoke to complete lethargic contentment. It is rare for me to feel this way, but thanks to a vigorous workout and a few too many vodka tonics yesterday (any drink beyond one is always one too many for me), I was satisfied to curl on the couch with a “bodice-ripper” novel and let the hours slide by. Did my son play on the Xbox a little too long? Probably. Did I forget to steam mop the floor after some overzealous watermelon consumption? Definitely.

I did manage to print out a few Internet worksheets for the kids and felt I met some sort of minimum quota, the same feeling I get when I give them multivitamins with their microwave pancakes in the morning. By midafternoon, I did begin to feel the pull of the unloaded dishwasher, the unanswered emails, the unfinished coursepack, etc. But I soldiered on, maintaining my snail pace strolls from couch to chair to couch to chair. Occasionally, my husband joined me on this journey to nothing, and it became somewhat of a competitive sport, which I am calling “I’m not getting up.”

All and all, it was a restorative experience this mini-mental hibernation. I highly recommend a day of nothing.

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The New Challenge: 30 Minutes for 30 Days

If I were to ask myself, what is the biggest task I regretted not doing during a day, the answer would almost always be writing. For me, that is because I classify it as optional. Some may say this means I am not a true writer, for a true writer MUST write; it’s not optional. To those people, I say your hyperboles only serve to discourage those of us who, some days, only have the energy to dream.

For me, I cannot be present as a parent or as a teacher if my mind is on what I think I should be doing instead of coloring dinosaurs or grading essays. Time interacting with my children and mentoring developmental writers is valuable. Sitting on the couch watching television with my husband is sometimes a necessary bonding experience.

As of now, without money or a large audience, my writing is only for me. However, this does not mean I should abandon it. I just need to be practical about what I can do. Initially, I thought I would challenge myself to write 1,000 words a day. Based on my research, though, I have learned that small, achievable steps are the best place to begin a lifestyle change. I know I can complete 30 minutes of writing a day, and this firm belief is going to make me more likely to succeed.

Also, 30 minutes over a 1,000 words seems better because output is not a routine. The idea of a habit is that it breeds expectation. Most of us begin our days the same way — for me it is coffee and social media. Once a habit is established, it is much harder not to do something, than it is to do it. My plan is to add writing to my nighttime ritual, which always ends with reading. Even if I do not get to bed until 3 a.m., I have a hard time sleeping if I do not read first

When I was an adolescent, journaling was a habit for me. Reams and reams of hurt feelings, crushes, and pep talks took up the entire space beneath my bed. I had to write my feelings down; it felt like a must, essential. Hmmm… I seem to be rewriting my initial claim. Maybe the idea that “writing is a must” is not hyperbole for some because it is a habit.

Let’s see if I can turn a want into a must, an optional activity into a habit…

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30-day Gluten-Free Challenge Wrap Up

One of the big lessons I took away from my 30-day gluten-free challenge is not to enter in diet modifications lightly. The times I felt the most significant changes to my overall well-being were when I removed gluten from my diet and when I reintegrated it. Neither times were positive, bringing headaches, mood swings, and a digestive retooling. Do not enter this type of challenge lightly.

The second lesson I took away from this is how quickly something becomes a habit. After a few weeks, I honestly did not miss gluten. Not eating baked goods no longer became a will power issue. It was mostly an inconvenience, as in, I am hungry and see nothing easily accessible that I can eat. I now find it difficult to eat gluten after 30 days without it, not physically difficult, but mentally. I have become so use to rejecting it that I no longer desire it. Not that this stopped me from eating birthday cake on my birthday or pizza on vacation.

The big question for me remains, is gluten really the culprit? Or is it a heavy starch-based diet of processed foods? Obviously, for those with celiac disease gluten is the problem. But what about the others who claim miraculous transformations from cutting out gluten?

Moving forward, I will do my best to follow a clean, whole food diet, not as a 30-day challenge, but as part of my everyday life. This means less processed foods and more time at the farmer’s market.

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Fostering a Positive Mindset

The father of positive psychology, Martin Seligman, recommends that individuals keep a reflective journal of three things that went well in their day to help create a more positive mindset. We do a modified version of this around the dinner table where we each discuss what our favorite part of the day was. My favorite part, of course, is hearing my little ones detail the moments that stood out to them the most. Today it was swimming at the lake, picking up a pizza, and going in the pool.

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Day 21 – Gluten-Free Challenge Check In

I have now completed three weeks completely gluten-free. So far, I do not feel any miraculous change. My stomach is still sensitive. I am not thinking more sharply nor am I less moody. Perhaps the only change is that I am a bit more energetic. However, I can easily attribute this to the change of season. It’s hard to keep all the other variables in my life the same. For instance, since my children’s school let out for summer, I have not made it to the gym. I have, though, been generally more physically active: bouncing on the trampoline, swimming in the pool, and taking care of household messes both indoors and out.

Still, while I do not think I will remain gluten-free after my thirty days are up, I think I will remain more gluten conscious. One of the greatest benefits from doing this challenge has been a sense of mindfulness about what I eat. Usually, I just finish my children’s food or grab a handful of whatever is in the cupboards without any thought. Without the ability to eat pasta or crackers, this practice became much more difficult.

Despite my mindfulness, I did not lose any weight. My body has remained at a state of homeostasis for so long, through new exercise regimens, holiday binges, and seasonal changes, that I would fear a terminal disease if I began to lose weight. I also found a way to replace the calories from the foods I cut. The first five days of my challenge I ate an entire pound of almonds! This wouldn’t have been so bad if most of those almonds weren’t followed by a dark chocolate chaser.

It’s important to note that a gluten-free diet is not necessarily low-carb diet. My bunless burgers sometimes came with French fries on the side. After I finish this challenge, I plan to engage in a different healthy eating plan, which will include less carbohydrates and processed foods in general.

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30-Day Challenges: Self Discoveries on the Journey to Habits

My students are wrapping up their 30-day challenges this weekend. One of my students, who challenged herself to drink more water, wrote in her journal this week that she now can’t go long without drinking water. It has now become a habit. Research states that 40% of our daily actions are habits. They great thing about habits is that they do not require will power – they are programmed actions into our life that we automatically expect to complete. Once you get use to exercising every morning, it is harder not to exercise than it is to exercise.

Before my 30-day blogging challenge, I felt a bit at loose ends as a writer. Last summer, I completed my dissertation, which was the accumulation of years of researching and writing on new media and critical pedagogy. While I enjoyed much of the process, I also felt burnt out on academic writing at the end. Before pursuing my Ph.D., I was a journalist and a creative writer. My blogging challenge allowed me to begin to put the pieces of my many writing selves together.

It also helped me move from drafting to sharing. While I have written for years, I rarely share my words. Writing is immensely personal. I put off exposure through lengthy editing, rewriting the same paragraphs and pages over and over. Blogging does not allow for shyness or perfectionism. As Andrew Sullivan once wrote, “You can’t have blogger’s block. You have to express yourself now, while your emotions roil, while your temper flares, while your humor lasts. You can try to hide yourself from real scrutiny, and the exposure it demands, but it’s hard.”

What I like best about these challenges, though, are the unexpected benefits. For me, it was how blogging shaped my daily life. You cannot blog if you are not thinking, experiencing, and reading. I became more mindful of what I was doing so that I could articulate the purpose, and I pursued more out of my box experiences in order to have something interesting to share.

Now, I am learning more about my relationship with food and my food’s relationship with my body through my gluten-free challenge. Wish me luck!

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The Blue and Black Salad, A Paradigm Shift

The first time I experienced a blue and black burger I was at an alumni magazine editor conference (yes, such a thing exists) in Boston. Because the travel gods were against me, my true fun and adventurous self was buried beneath a head cold. Still, I rallied as best I could to see the city with my boyfriend and travel partner. After a long day of conferencing, which peaked with the unbelievably big name speaker Susan Orlean, whom I still consider to be the ultimate profile writer and a pioneer of creative nonfiction journalism, we tried to find a restaurant close to our hotel.

Near the campus of MIT, we discovered the Boston Burger Company. I really never considered myself a burger person, as meat in general is not a large staple in my diet. At the time, my favorite hamburger came from McDonald’s, and I do not mean the Quarter Pounder or double patty Big Mac, but the 99 cent one with the thin slab of barely detectable meat. Mostly because I am a big fan of those partially dehydrated onions that are sold in vats at Gordon Foods, which are generously doled on every McDonalds burger. I know, as I spent a year of my adolescence working underneath the golden arches. Nothing helps teenage acne like steam from the deep fryers.

Despite my health and hesitations, I looked for a new culinary experience at every Boston stop. The best part of travel is food discoveries: salmon in Seattle, gumbo in New Orleans, deep dish pizza in Chicago, etc. Two of the criteria of a good trip are a good meal and a new experience. Often, they go hand and hand.

I initially chose the black and blue burger because I associated the term “blackened” with well done, which is the only way I like my beef. Any sign of red, reminding me that this was once blood-filled animal flesh, causes me to immediately gag. Again, not a meat person. However, that night I became a burger person. The sheer quantity of seasonings penetrated my plugged sinuses and actually made an impression on my dulled taste buds. I especially enjoyed the combination of sharp flavors as the seasonings melded with the blue cheese. The burger, which included an eight ounce patty, was dauntingly large. And I ate the whole thing. Every crumb.

Since that trip, I’ve ordered many blue and black burgers: some with a blue cheese sauce instead of crumbles, some with bacon, some with caramelized onions, some with turkey instead of beef. I loved them all. For 30 days I am saying goodbye to brioche and pretzel buns, which means I am saying good-bye to burgers.

Tonight, as I adjust to this new diet paradigm, I attempted to make a blue and black salad. I took my burger meat and instead of making patties fried it into crumbles. As it cooked I dosed it with a black and blue seasoning recipe I found online (minus the thyme, which tastes like how musty smells). I softened some onions in the microwave, as sautéed onions are my favorite burger topping. Then I sprinkled this over baby lettuce and blue cheese crumbles. I drizzle the whole concoction with a yogurt based blue cheese dressing. It was tasty, but I found the blue cheese a bit overpowering in this format.

The challenge is still a challenge. While I felt full after eating my blue and black salad, I still felt a craving for something. I don’t necessarily crave bread — it’s more of an intangible yearning. What can fill the gluten void?

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Going Nuts: Making My Own Almond Butter

As I was gorging myself on breadless peanut butter and banana sandwiches yesterday morning, I already knew that while this was gluten-free, it was not healthy. Despite or perhaps because of it’s reduced fat peanut butter status, my JIF contains a lot of ingredients besides peanuts, such as the number 2 ingredient corn syrup solids. So I decided to make my first DIY jar of nut butter.

At the start of my Google search, all the recipes I found recommended I first soak the nuts and then go through a drying process. Way too much fuss and way too much time! Then I found the Detoxinista, who listed a simpler process—roast raw almonds for 10-12 minutes in a 325 degree oven and then throw in the food processor. Sold!

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If you try this at home, be prepared for the blast of sound as your processor tries to break down the hard shells of a pound of almonds. I seriously stopped and put on headphones, but I am unusually noise sensitive. No one is allowed to watch TV in my house over volume 8. Luckily, it soon died down to a normal processing whir. Get comfortable with this sound, as the process from nut to nut butter is a LONG one. It took me a full 20 minutes of starting and stopping to scrape the sides.

To enhance the flavor, which was a little blasé, I added a tablespoon of coconut butter and a tablespoon of pure maple syrup. The end result was heavenly, especially when it was still warm from the roasting process. I added some dark chocolate chips and grabbed a spoon. Let the dieting begin J